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July 2005 Issue 1
In Brief
Jacko celebrates equital with holiday in Thailand

Humanist wedding breaks new ground with filthy venue

No one killed in Baghdad today

Truants to be given 'I should be at school' ringtone

Entertainments

Big Brother contestant didn't realise he was a wanker

Schumacher defiant he wont be this years most boring sportsman

FEATURE
 

Top Story
EU split widens over last jaffa cake dispute

EU split widens over last jaffa cake dispute
President Chirac looks on in dismay as Prime Minister Blair taunts him with the last jaffa cake in the building
A new split in the European Union was opened today when a shortfall in the number of afternoon jaffa cakes lead to a showdown between Frances President Jacques Chirac and the British Prime Minister Tony Blair.

Mr Blair insisted that the last jaffa cake was legitimately his as there had been concessions made during morning tea break to allow Mr Chirac to have the last chocolate bourbon.

Mr Chirac disputed the claim that a chocolate bourbon in any way compared to a jaffa cake and demanded that he should get a bite of the controversial cake biscuit. Full Story >>
G8 protests brings 'kick ass' profits to local businesses

G8 protests brings 'kick ass' profits to local businessesThe mass of G8 protesters that gathered in the small village of Auchterarder this month have left in their wake a bumper profit for local businesses.
Local shopkeepers explained that they had never seen such demand for their ammenities and boasted of record sales of up to 350,000% on last years figures.
Barry Fraser of Frasers Bakery said,'the G8 summit has been a lifeline for some small businesses in the area, the increased profit we have all experienced is in many ways thanks to Mr Blair and the great work he's done'. Full Story >>
 
Other Headlines
Stelios announces launch of easyToilet
Stelios announces launch of easyToiletIt's very cheap and it's very, very orange - but is easyToilet any good? As the low-cost revolution forges into the public convenience market, Stelios Haji-Ioannou is right at the front launching a brand new concept that just might change the way you toilet forever.
Full Story >>

Smoking ban brings new fears of 'really sweaty, fart smelling' pubs
Smoking ban brings new fears of 'really sweaty, fart smelling' pubsWith anticipation growing for the employment of the new smoking ban across the UK, campaigners have raised fears that a blanket ban could result in millions being subject to dank, sweaty, noxious environments.
Full Story >>
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