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September 2005 Issue 3
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Lord Coe to Pimp London Prostitutes for Olympic Fundraising
Lord Coe to Pimp London Prostitutes for Olympic Fundraising
Lord Coe shows off one of the new IOC official
prostitutes that will help generate revenues for the city

London 2012 committee chairman, Lord Sebastian Coe, today announced plans to generate more "construction revenue" by maximising the cities under-utilised street walkers.

The announcement comes on the back of the committees highly lucrative lottery racket which has generated several million pounds for the London Olympic Commitee.

Olympics Minister Tessa Jowell said the Olympic brothels were being set up now to allow enough time for the committee to raise the money needed for the extensive construction.

"These will be sexy Games and Games for everyone. We are set for a very horny seven years indeed," she said.

The Games are expected to cost a total of £2.375bn and Sebastian Coe believes this new venture will be vitally important for the fund-raising effort.

"With the money we have already collected from the scratch cards, we will have enough to begin construction of the major sites, and once we get the workers and the bitches setup we can just keep recycling those wages Mutha Fucka", explained Lord Coe.

"We are going to be offering all London hookers a better percentage than they are getting from their existing pimps and we will accommodate and feed them to council standards", The Lord added.

The LOC plan to take control of large proportions of London's prostitutes and set them up with positions in or near the main construction areas. The massive influx of construction workers into the city will provide plenty of business for the official IOC Ho's.

Olympics Minister Tessa Jowell shows her backing

Olympics Minister Tessa Jowell shows her backing
for the cause by dressing up like a real pro.

It is expected that many of the cities top pimps will be quickly uninstalled from their positions and their women moved to the new locations as and when the LOC see fit.

Local Mac-Daddy Sweet Brown has been outraged by the new plans which are likely to all but destroy his own business. "If that plum faced cracker Coe comes round here and tries to mess with my bitches he's gonna find out just how bitter a nigger like Sweet Brown can be."

The LOC have insisted that any loss of business for local pimps will be reasonably compensated but have insisted that all of London and the UK should get behind the plans for the city and for the esteem and notoriety of Lord Coe.

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"It is important that we start peddling this ass now in order that we build up the income stream that will be able to fund the development of the new sporting infrastructure, the quality of my ride and the venues that will host the Games in seven years' time", insisted Da Lord.