One of the new Llyods TSB branches with the swipe card turnstile at the front door

Lloyds TSB today announced an unprecedented introduction of bank charges that will see customers obliged to pay 20 pence to enter and exit any of their branches across the UK.

Customers of the bank will now be asked to swipe their card through a scanning strip, attached to the main door, will grant access via the turnstile into the bank and automatically debit the 20 pence from the customers account. This process is repeated when exiting the branch.

In the event that a customer does not have sufficient funds to cover the entry charge their account will be debited anyway and an additional administration charge will be deducted from their account.

The charges, which are the brainchild of Lloyds Chairman, Maarten A van den Bergh, are being introduced in an effort to try and help the bank regain some of its falling profits and help restore Lloyds TSB to a world leader in customer fleecing.

Lloyds Chairman van den Bergh shows true commitment to profits

"It is not unreasonable to expect us to cover the costs of our lighting, carpet, staff and so on. We are not a charity", explained van den Bergh. "This is the way the free market is developing. Micro-transactions, such as the branch access charge are becoming more common in all aspects of life and we consider ourselves pioneers in being the first to introduce them in this way"

'Micro-transactions', are set to become the new currency of the future with digital technology making it possible for electronic payments to be made via all manner of equipment such as mobile phones, sub-skin microchips, eyeball readers and so on. The power of these transactions also lies in the absolute detachment of any sense of actual expense. The tiny amount of the transaction combined with the remoteness of the transfer makes the whole experience almost unconscious.

Good news then for big business who are always looking for ways to make the payment of bills as painless as possible.

Several more dynamic new initiatives are also being considered by Lloyds TSB for the next few months, these include a money management service which will give customers the opportunity to have their money leant to dubious international companies for unspeakable uses. Initially customers will not be charged for this service, however they are unlikely to see any return from these shadowy investments. They will however feel the effects of this scheme over time, whether they like it or not.