Excessive exposure to 'selective' World News is shown to increase alcohol dependancy

A Health Department think tank has called for a reduction in the availability of round the clock television news in order to tackle the countries growing binge drinking crisis.

The report from the science think tank, Foresight, comes amid growing concerns that modern access to unlimited 'news' programmes has developed a culture of detached and despairing people that are reliant on alcohol to escape the grim realities of the worlds problems.

A spokesperson for Foresight says: "The findings from our report have for the first time identified a direct link between the availability and consumption of television news broadcasts with the overall consumption of mind-numbing alcohol.

"We are of the firm belief that a return to the days of 3 daily 20 minute bulletins would see a marked reduction in the levels of despair drinking across all age groups"

John Smith, president of the Royal College of Surgeons of Edinburgh agrees with the findings from the report and has taken steps to push the issue into the national agenda.

"Should we now limit the amount of television news available? If, as a nation, we are serious about trying to prevent illnesses associated with social habits, this is something that must be considered.

"We need to start a national debate on this issue and then, if the debate is carried, the government and the major television networks needs to look at practical ways in which limits, in terms of 'news' consumption, could be implemented."

But, according to First Freedom, an independent non-governmental organisation, the Foresight report is 'biased and short-sighted'.

"In the past governments have been happy for the majority of the population to be 'dumbed down' with alcohol but now that binge drinking has become a national embarrassment this has backfired and now we have a nation of better informed and more intoxicated people", explained First Freedom President Sharon Charles.

On a brighter note producers of such programmes as X-factor and Big Brother have been praised for the good work they have done in successfully distracting and numbing the minds of a key demographic with very little side effects.